I have discovered that I do not feel emotional attachment the same way others do. We can pretend that we've been married for the last seven years, stop talking entirely, and I won't feel a thing.
I am so, so broken.
But not in the I-lie-on-the-floor-and-sob-for-hours broken. I just don't function correctly. But hell, sometimes when something breaks, you jury-rig it and make it work, and it's just as effective. Hell, maybe you made it a little better because it was a shoddy piece of shit to begin with.
That was a tangent and a half. Where was my point?
Almost all humans will attest that emotions are necessary. Maybe I've watched a little too much Star Trek in the middle of the night when I'm tired and vulnerable, but I like the way I am. I have limited knowledge of how to act in social situations, and I don't give a damn if I hurt your feelings, but I get by. I would rather you suffer my cold indifference than make you happy, at times. And I like it this way.
But lately. Ohhh, lately. This lack of emotion is getting me into trouble. There are certain times in our lives where we are supposed to feel something. We are supposed to fall in love with someone, or we are supposed to suffer to see our loved ones suffer, or we are supposed to be disgusted with the pervert on the evening news. I can earnestly feel some of these stronger emotions, but the rest of them have to be faked.
Not only do I not want to fall in love with you, and I don't want to care about your achievements, and I don't pity you half as much as I should, but I'm simply not going to. My only advice to you is to run.
When not feeling an emotion causes me to regret every decision I've made for the last week, you know that an atomic bomb is brewing in the back of my brain. Duck and cover. Sound the alarms. Set your phasers to stun each other if the zombies come. Something is about to go horribly wrong.
But, hell. It's better to regret the things you've done than the ones you haven't.
PARTY ON, DUDES.
